Expectations, Disappointments and Sadness

Got really upset by a student today. More of upset by a whole class, but the attitude shown by one of the students really was just the last straw...

Lucky it was already the end of the day. Made my way to the staff room and just cried and cried and cried... Was really ugly... Thankfully, nobody came in to the staff lounge while I was crying my eyes out. Hm... Actually, there were 2. But my head was down the whole time, so I dunno who they were. A few times, managed to psycho myself that the emotional breakdown wasn't worth it and I was going to stop, but somehow, the sadness was still strangling me so I carried on again... Sigh...

Finally started to recover and Siraj came in to the staff lounge. He asked after me and I told him I was ok. Great timing. It was about time I stopped and get back to work... Went to the sink to wash my face - OH MY! My eyes were all red and puffy! The breakdown was most definitely not worth it...

Let me pause now to relate something I saw on TV just now. Something I could relate to and from one of my fav shows - Healing Hands III. This doctor was questioning himself on his pessimism towards some relationship issues and said this "No expectations, no disappointments. No disappointments, no sadness." I thought it rather apt for my feelings towards this one class of mine.

They are one of the ONLY two Express classes I have and like I told the class' Form Teacher only about 2 hours ago: I feel sad maybe because I have higher expectations of them. But why shouldn't I? Is it wrong to impose upon them higher expectations than my students from the other streams? And it's not expectations of academic excellence. It's more of their attitudes and way of approaching their problems. Why rely on others when you can do the most for yourself?

Was a little upset by a couple of students from my other Express class. Trying very hard not to give up on them... But it's difficult... It's so much easier, and happier too, to help those who want to be helped... And I want to be of help, not just to be made use of only when you need that extra mark...

Okies. Enough depressive issues. Got all this off my chest liao.

Had a productive afternoon after my bawling - finished up both the marks analysis AND marker's report for my Mathematics paper (for once! yoohoo!). Managed to grab a good dinner with ABC (wat a coincidental acronym) and A. Then made it back home by BUS! Save $$$! Feeling much better - going out with them always bring good fun and makes for very effective therapy. *grin*

Anyway, gotta go bathe. Stinky stinky...