Screw Up

Darn! I was feeling all happy about the Sec 3 Adventure Camp. Nothing major happened. Enough small incidents. Minor ones which turned out alright in the end.

But darn it! Just realised that I missed out 1 kid during the mess of transferring the kids from the school to the campsite. Got over-reliant on the integrity of my students and got screwed by that trust. 1 kid went off by himself, I assumed he was exempted from the camp and was too engrossed in other admin matters like calling up the absentees, checking the students' bags, passing the confiscated items to the HOD...

Fine. I SCREWED UP. Trusted the students too much. Why do some thing always happen like that just when I give them some leeway? Why do they always have to make me force them to take 2 steps back after I let them go ahead by 1 step?

And it's always only 1 student who makes the whole thing so depressing. 1 student has to the one holding up the edusave fund forms collection, 1 student has to be the one who consistently refuses to bring the money for the special events, 1 student has to be the one who always loses the form for signing... And when they lose the forms, they don't tell me. Wait until I scold them for losing the form, then scold me back because it's not their fault they cannot submit the form when they have lost the form! For goodness sake, you are all of 15 years old! I am not your mother! Definitely not to 40 15-years-old! And if you can't even remember to do small things which is your basic responsibility, don't scold me for nagging you!

Why do I have to the one to be scolded by both you and the teachers overseeing me? Who do I scold? My parents? For bringing me up well enough to be a teacher. Myself? For being trusting, for giving people their 2nd chance, 3rd chance, n-th chance. All for what? A miserable paycheck, 12 hours of constant exercise, no work-life balance and a tight work schedule that allows me to be scolded by so many people on a daily basis?!?!

So yeah, perhaps, I did not screw up. I'm the screw up. For choosing this job.

For obvious reasons, this is not a good day today. So, don't get in my path today. Better not tomorrow either. Cause tomorrow's the day when the finger-pointing and fault-finding starts. Maybe it'd even provide me with a good reason for me to quit. Let me throw in the towel and not feel guilty about it.